I do not like this distance

I feel alone. I know that I am not but there is a distance between me and God that I do not like. Because it is this distance that makes me feel alone.

When I let the voices of loneliness take over my inner ears they begin to overwhelm other parts of me. As the lonely feelings become stronger, I begin to hear the voice of self doubt and of worthlessness. Then fear sets in.

I want to get back to where I hear God. Jesus said that his perfect love casts out fear. I know this and I do not like to be afraid.

I want to be back close to God. I want to be in her arms. I want her to cradle me like her small child and whisper in my ear that she loves me and always has. I want to feel her hugging me tightly.

I want Jesus to tell me that he would not have died for a creature that he did not love.

Today, I went out to take some photos of the beautiful sunset over the river bank. I saw God there tonight, in the beauty of the sky. I heard him faintly calling me back to this kind of space where I seem to hear him most easily. I need to quiet myself and listen. My ears don’t seem to pick up his voice clearly when I am busy or tired and especially not when I become preoccupied with myself.